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Thursday, May 27, 2010

I want to be just like mother when I grow up, but only the good traits..

Most people have conflicted relationships with their mothers.  I don't, but sometimes I just wish she took better care of herself. 
My mother was most likely abused by her father (this is an assumption based on the fact that I was never allowed to be alone with him and once my grandmother called him a "pervert"), and I think this  has caused her to be why she is the way that she is.
My mother is soft-hearted, giving and kind but she often has the emotional maturity and outlooks of a little girl.  She  doesn't do a very good job of thinking through the cause and effect probability of most situations and frequently blames others or comes up with excuses for why she's unable to do something that is patently more logical or better for her.
To give you an example:

Me: "Mom, have you been using the recipes in the diabetic cookbook I gave you?"
Mom: (first, she lies, to avoid getting in trouble) "Yes, they are delicious"
Me: "Really? Which one did you like the best?"
Mom:"Um, the first one.  With the vegetables"
Me: "You aren't using it, are you?"
Mom: "Well, I tried, but then Kenny (my stepfather) wanted white bread, not wheat, and they were all out of those kinds of ingredients in that book at the store"
 Me: (sighs) "Mom, you realize that if you keep eating this way, you are either going to go into a coma or they are going to cut off your legs.  Do you really want to be fat, with no legs and a bad back for the rest of your life?"
 Mom: "No, I'm fine.  My feet only started tingling that one time.  I'm having cinnamon tea every day now, and I'm pretty sure that's curing the diabetes."
Me: (silently bangs head on the desk)

My mother is in very poor health for her age.  She is only 51 years old (she had me very young. my parents were still in high school when they got married.  Surprisingly, it was not a shotgun wedding.  I was born over a year and a half later.) and she is something in the range of 150lbs overweight.  She is 4'11, and the last time I forced her to get on a scale, it read 260lbs. She has also been smoking about a pack and a half a day of cigarettes since she was 14 years old. She wasn't always like this.  In the 80's when I was little, she was a young beautiful single girl with golden blonde hair, tight slacks, and a shiny blue Camero.  She looked exactly as you would expect Marsha Brady to look, post Brady Bunch at a coke-fueled disco party.
I think it was a combination of poor food choices, excruciatingly painful back problems and poor relationship choices that caused her to get to the weight she is now.
I think a lifetime of feeling like a victim to her circumstances in life has made her unable to grasp the concept of personal responsibility of the conditions she often finds herself in.

My mother is great.  She's loving and funny and a really good person.  I just wish she valued herself as much as I value her.

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